Couples who Have a Big Difference in Age
Now, however, the two trends have leveled off. And it is no longer so rare to see couples in which women have many more years than men – with great public outcry! In fact, usually, couples with a big age difference are always looked at with skepticism.
The fact, however, that this type of couples are slowly increasing, testifies how, in love, age is not an insurmountable problem.
Brigitte and Emmanuel Macron, These couples of stars have decided to unite despite the years that separate them and the bad languages .
A year ago, another couple also unleashed the passions for the same reason: Brigitte and Emmanuel Macron! If the First Lady of France is today admired for its elegant looks and always treated, his age difference with the President was initially scandal, widely commented in the media and on social networks. Other celebrity couples were also talked about, such as Laetitia and Johnny Hallyday, who were 32 years apart … especially since the model is younger than David Hallyday, the oldest rocker, with 11 years away! Despite the years that separate them, these stars prove to us that there is no age to love each other. If some people can not conceive of a lasting relationship because of this difference, these couples prove the opposite. Moreover, some have been together for many years, reaching longevity records among celebrities, while many couples of stars are separating. For example, Hugh Jackman and his wife have been married for 22 years; Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones have been in a relationship for 18 years and actor Sylvester Stallone has been married for 21 years …
Obviously, however, this love that goes beyond any age deficit, hides within itself a psychological component that affects the social life of the individuals in question.
The first aspect that comes to mind is that the age difference between a man and a woman very often fills an affective shortage, more or less recent – which, in some cases, is accompanied by an important emotional immaturity.
In many cases, moreover, conflicts with parents, the desire for transgression (for younger subjects), depression and inability to accept the passing time (for the larger subjects) certainly come into play.
Another aspect that should not be underestimated is the narcissistic component. It often happens that a narcissist person goes through depressive phases in which his self-esteem reaches very low levels. Here, then, that being able to seduce by a younger partner becomes the only apparent escape from this depressive state – the only solution to raise your self-esteem.
All this, of course, does not aim to destroy and demonize couples with a big age difference: love has no age, teaches us popular wisdom … and it’s true. But it is important to understand what lies behind this attraction – also to make it clear to those who do not understand these unions and judge them badly.
Possible problems with the couple
Naturally, as in all couples, problems can arise which it is good to deal promptly. I think, for example, when the initial enthusiasm gives way to apathy and leads, slowly, to a clear departure. Or the different expectations that slowly manifest themselves within the couple: different ages bring with them also different needs. Or even the different energies that you have available to start a family or go out to have fun in the evening .
One thing is certain: when we are in love, regardless of the age we have, we always feel like kids and this can only do good to anyone – we must “only” be able to cope with the new growth that lies ahead .
The young woman, as well as being biologically more suitable than the middle-aged woman to procreate children was also considered more sexually attractive, as all the young organisms appeared in nature.
These reasons induced the very young women to give birth from about fourteen / fifteen years onwards and to be destined, even by grant or order of their fathers, to marry men who, according to social conditions, could be much older than girls. with which they joined. The difference in age between women and men could, up to a century ago, exceed thirty years, when the man was considered in practice already old.
Nowadays, the psychosocial conditions have changed considerably due to the transformations of labor that has grown enormously with the industrialization of products and large machinery, creating huge buildings in the outskirts of the great cities of the western and eastern world. .
The needs of a time for survival have disappeared for many years. The problems for the quality of life and subsistence, if anything, look like others.
The habit of appreciating that in the couple women are younger than men has basically remained similar to the past. The difference in age between man and woman no longer seems so disproportionate as in the past, when then many more children of today were born when the phenomenology of births has dropped far. In some countries, few children are born because often women do not want to procreate for nothing.
If the socio-cultural and biological needs have changed considerably, why does the couple where she is older still have to be ashamed and justified in front of people who sometimes look at her in amazement?
In fact, cultural heritage is confining with new lifestyles: according to a recent survey, sixty percent of Italian women are looking for a younger partner to build an important relationship.
The woman desired by a younger man can feel very gratified. Women who choose partners like that often leave disappointing and frustrating relationships with peers. The desire to be appreciated and to go back to believing in oneself is strong in them!
The younger man often seeks the emotional security and charm that a more mature woman could offer because of her greater experience that appears more aware of her own desires and less dependent on him, as the younger girls, frequently make them feel as if they were a burden to be taken forever.
Therefore, the couple can also arrive at the wedding, provided that there are conditions that are considered important: the woman wants in return the social and professional identity of the man.
It is observed that the chances of marriage failing are the same as those of a traditional marriage where the man was older than the woman.
It should be noted that the woman appears today rejuvenated in her appearance and physical form, because she seems to be even more in touch with a world. It benefits from a very emancipated culture compared to the same age that does not seem to have changed during the years it has lived. Man often experiences a complexity of cohabitation with the girls of his age and chooses a more mature woman for sexual reasons.
The fall of the image of the traditional man, what S. Freud considered almost a patriarch, perhaps moved this symbol on an energetic woman, practical, but also romantic, hard in business, but also sweet and delicate, but also sexy without shame and why not, even a little maternal towards the partner.
Men also like women older than them. And we explain why.
Tthe girl who asks: “Do you love me? “. Women aged 40 and over have better control over their emotions. They are more stable, less demanding, less jealous …
They no longer focus on the small bead or the gram of cellulite hidden behind the buttock. They have learned to love their bodies (40 years is a long time as a cohabitation) and fully assume it.
The 40-year-old woman knows how to awaken the sexual desire of a (young) man. Conscious of her faults, she knows her body by heart. She does not wait for her partner, like a caver, to finally find a good two hours of groping, the path to ecstasy.
The so-called “mature woman” takes the lead and makes others benefit from her experience gained over the years .
For our fifties, the potential need to start a family and to have children is already filled in principle.
She is no longer looking for the ideal partner who will make a good husband and a good father but a man, that’s all.
Mature women are often professionally in full possession of their skills. Because of their age, they are generally also more cultured than their younger ones .
Released from their family obligations, they appreciate more the good times spent two, while respecting the need for freedom of the other.
Finally, rid of their complexes, older women have freed themselves from the eyes of men. So, they are stronger and so … more beautiful.
Like Macron, they have a lot of pride, respect and admiration for their wives. They have been married for many years and continue with the same love, warmth and admiration. For them, they are superior to other women, because they are more companions, more interesting, more understanding, more affectionate and many others MORE. It is not the age difference that is most important to them, but their superiority to other women, including the younger ones.
On the other hand, because the older woman is considered “superior” in several respects, can the relationship in some cases be seen by others or by the couple with a stigma of the mother / child relationship? One of the interviewees touches on this point. How to escape this trap?
When the age difference is greater, the prejudices and stigmata are greater. They must face the accusations and prejudices within their own family. They struggle, on a daily basis, to maintain the relationship. They are more careful, more attentive, more understanding than theother couples.
Older women, speaking of themselves, listed a number of qualities to “compensate” for being older and stressed that they are more socially active than their partners.
Too much trouble, too much insecurity and too much fear. They suffer a lot, especially at first. They think it’s something temporary, which will be exchanged for younger women. They panic to grow old. Only with time, and with the certainty that their love is really special and unique, can they have a little more security. However, they, much more than they, show that they are afraid of losing their partner’s love of aging.
In research , several men married to older women say they did not think they would have a serious relationship with them. One describes the encounter with his wife 12 years older as a “road accident,” since he was accustomed to dating only younger women. However, after living with her, the lightness and pleasure of the relationship made him want to have something serious.
Those surveyed compare their wives to sticky, jealous, childish women. They admire the lightness, the maturity, the security of them. As they thought it would not do anything, they lived fully every minute of the relationship, without expectations and charges. They could be “the best version of themselves”, more fun, cheerful, light. And, precisely for that, they fell in love. They try to stay that way every day, since they know the relationship can end at any moment. They live intensely love and affection, value their partner, are more understanding, caring, more about their partner and relationship.
The fact that they were already married (all with much older men) is also a reference for them. They know that the end of a marriage and a love has nothing to do with age, but with what we do in our daily lives. they take care, are caring and caring everyday, value their partner and feel they are unique and special.
You conclude in the book that marriage between older women and younger men is the happiest compared to other marital arrangements that have already been the subject of their research. Briefly, what makes this combination the most advantageous of all?
Only in these marriages that greater balance and greater reciprocity. The fact that they face so many prejudices, fears and insecurities end up strengthening love and partnership. They see in them what is invisible to other men, they value in them what is devalued by other women. It is undeniable that, for the couples surveyed, wives are superior to other women. And men give their wives what they most want: the certainty that they are unique and special.