Why do we Feel Ashamed

Researchers at the University of British Columbia’s study of people who want to treat alcoholism have found that those who feel shy about their own drunken behavior often fail tin a week and drink again.

It is also found that the more shy people are, the more likely they are to suffer from aggression. Hangxiety is a combination of Hangover, which means hangover, and Anxiety, which means psychological anxiety caused by hangover.

Researchers at the University of Exeter in England measured the levels of pre- and postmortem drinking before and after drinking with a group of 97 subjects with varying degrees of shyness. As a result, subjects with a lot of shyness were found to have a high degree of discomfort the next day.

The harm of shame does not appear only in liquor. Emotions such as shame or shame are regarded as negative emotions rather than positive ones. Especially in today ‘s society, extrovert personality that is not shy is treated. Therefore, the intrinsic nature of being shy is often recognized as a disadvantage to be corrected.

So why did humans evolve such negative emotions as animals do? There is a reason. It is because shame has helped to promote social cohesion when we lived with a shortage of small units.

Researchers at the University of Montreal in Canada conducted a survey of 899 people living in 15 different parts of the world, including Siberia and Mauritius, to determine the cause of shame. They present various situations in which the fictitious characters with the same gender are present and check whether the situations are shameful.

As a result, it was found that the overall response pattern of the experiment participants was consistent with the shame of situations in which the virtual characters were present. This implies that shame is the emotion that is rooted in the natural selection of the evolutionary side rather than the one created by each culture.

Tribal members who broke the rules were to be ignored and shameful. Fear of that painful experience forced members to follow the rules and work together for the benefit of the tribe. In other words, it is an explanation that confrontation with other members is a threat to the group’s survival, so it has evolved to feel shame and shame when it violates it.

It is clear that we already know what happens when we feel shame, an emotion that seizes us and does not allow us to see what is happening, beyond noticing the heat that flows through our skin and lodges in our faces.

When we feel shame, it is likely that behind all this there is some kind of insecurity, lack of self-esteem or underestimation of one’s worth.

The researchers described the function of shame in this regard by comparing it with pain. As the function of pain is to prevent damage to body tissues, shame is also preventing or restoring the situation that undermines social relations. The study was published last September in the National Academy of Sciences .

Shy people who are  less able to speak and are more likely to listen to others. Also, due to its cautious attitude, it can gain confidence in the decision-making process. So many successful CEOs and leaders are more introverted than outsiders.

The US daily “USA Today” is 40 percent of the respondents who said they were introverted after surveying the CEOs of major corporations in the United States. Bill Gates and Warren Buffett. In addition, former US presidents such as Abraham Lincoln and Barack Obama were famous for their introspective character.

Productive shame requires self-growth.

The awkwardness that is evaluated as a negative emotion similar to shame is the emotion that always comes together in our life. But awkwardness is also a necessary emotion for humans to maintain relationships with others. It is because it shows that showing itself that it is awkward has a favorable attitude to the other person.

Also, some awkwardness makes the person look less perfect and makes him more likely to become more fit by highlighting his human appearance. In fact, when one regrets his speech in a study, it turns out that people become more trustworthy or more tolerant of him.

Similarly, shame or shame plays a constructive role in maintaining interpersonal relationships. This is because it is an indication that we have disappointed the reasonable expectations we have of ourselves or that we have violated our chosen values.

So shame helps us grow and become a better person. However, in the case of shame, such as psychological wounds or sexual abuse in childhood, you must heal yourself.

But the productive shame that helps us grow is sometimes telling us that we need to pay attention and work harder.

When we feel shame this is something known and present, but maybe it would be good to go back to a stage that we do not remember to understand why we are ashamed. During our first year of life, the relationships we have with the adult world are positive, everything we do is applauded by parents, family or friends and this gives us the assurance that things go wonderfully.

However, when we begin to be more independent and to stand on our own, we want to explore the universe that surrounds us. Between the year and two years of life, the most repetitive word of our parents or loved ones is “NO”.

Either because we want to drink something, go to a dangerous place, etc. They want to protect us and that’s where shame comes from. That’s right, because it is shown as a visceral reaction caused by the rejection of society (at that time the parents are the society we know). This is painful and can activate the same areas of the brain that are “awakened” by a physical blow.

However, shame is useful in small doses, since it allows us to develop a sense of responsibility for our body and also towards society. It could be said that being ashamed is something that does not stop being present at any moment of our life from the moment of the first sensation. We feel guilty for what we do or say and ultimately, for what we are.

When we feel shame this can help us positively to enhance our sense of responsibility, or on the contrary to make us feel guilty

The reason why shame is so powerful is due to the moment in which it begins to take shape, that is, when we are still small, dependent on the care of others. If we lose the connection with these people, we will be left without food, without shelter, etc.

This means that it is important because it allows us to stay alive (even if this seems too extreme or radical). Based on the fact that the work of the brain is to allow survival and not bring us happiness, shame is understood as a way of feeling guilty for not following the orders of superiors.

When we get out of that state of shame, that is to say that our temperature returns to normal, perhaps we no longer feel tachycardia or sweat to seas, then, we recover the balance, either in the mind or in the autonomic nervous system.

For psychology, shame is a transition between positive and negative affects, occurs when instead of approval we find a reprimand. That is recorded in the emotional memory and reappears every time we go through a similar situation.

If we feel very embarrassed, it will be highly toxic to our mind and heart. These consequences may make a dent throughout life. The prolonged states under the effects of shame, due to the personality of each one or to the episodes that we have lived, can cause an imbalance in the nervous system, which also causes a feeling of greater vulnerability to relate to others or to do what we want


While we can no longer go back to when we were children and eliminate the shame of our teaching, if we have the ability to analyze when we feel that we all disapprove or are not satisfied with our actions. Maybe it’s just something that is in our mind and it needs to be eliminated.

Learn to take away the embarrassment little by little, doing things that until now you would not dare and laugh at it!




Reviewer overview

Why do Humans Feel Ashamed - /10


Researchers at the University of British Columbia's study of people who want to treat alcoholism have found that those who feel shy about their own drunken behavior often fail tin a week and drink again.

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