Why do People Talk About Themselves
But if it is to boast, or to focus attention on oneself, it does not matter.
We also all need energy, social recognition. Talking about yourself is one of the ways to obtain one. However, if it becomes extraction, or we use the other for that, then it becomes narcissism.
Basically, talking about yourself, it must be solicited. For example, I often explain on Quora how I avoided the racism that was attempted to inculcate me as a child. But only if it answers the question.
The right question.- It is with disconcerting ease that some speak of them, almost exclusively of them. They monopolize most conversations or jump on any sentence, to become the center of the discussion. Egocentric? Narcissists? Vaniteux? Not that easy.
. The problem is not that you are misguided, but rather that the phenomenon “is widespread”, according to the psychoanalyst Saverio Tomasella, and this, because it stems from several psychological profiles. Interesting then to look at the wheels that push some to warm our ears? The challenge is serious: to save a friendship or win indulgence.
Listening to these individuals, sometimes painful, the first of the analyzes is to cry egocentrism. How can they so easily talk about themselves and take the slightest bit of conversation to bring it back to themselves? “But not all of them are necessarily so. Some may even be altruistic and be present for a loved one who needs. From a psychic point of view, there are seven profiles that push them to speak only of them, “cuts the psychoanalyst.
The first, without much surprise, stems from childhood and more specifically from the family unit. Saverio Tomasella recalls: “Some parents educate children by encouraging them to be better than others”. The injunction can be stated clearly, “you will be the best (my) son / daughter”, or may take a different turn and resonate constantly in the family spirit. Results? “These people took the habit very early to monopolize much of the conversation. So as soon as the situation allows, they do it again, “says the professional. In the same vein, some people simply consider that they are “nothing, if they are not the best,” adds the psychoanalyst. Because of their surroundings or because they have that in them, they force themselves to put forward all their qualities “.
This friend who constantly bounces on your words and focuses the subject on it can also want to avoid the emotions that emerge from your statements. Because she refuses to be touched or because she is unable to handle them. The psychoanalyst detects anguished temperaments here: “they manage to divert the conversation, talk about another subject … or themselves,” he continues.
Among the other possible flaws, one can find a sense of illegitimacy, even indignity, a shame or a humiliation to compensate. “There is a kind of struggle to show that we are not so illegitimate. Children who have grown up in an underprivileged social environment, for example, talk a lot about them so that we can not do them the reproach they so much fear, “says the professional.
Quite logically, an expansive temperament pushes some to bounce. On most of the interlocutor’s statements. This often goes hand in hand with a rather theatrical personality, who has rather high self-esteem. “It’s stronger than they are, they can not help but tell even more their own journey for example if the discussion revolves around the subject, and bring everything back to them,” says the psychoanalyst.
Remain two profiles, a bit more cunning: leaders and dominants. By definition, the former are used to directing. Lead their entourage, and therefore also the orientation of the conversation. “The goal here is not to affirm one’s esteem for others, but his leadership. Via their way of controlling speech, they show that they are leaders, “says Saverio Tomasella. Finally, those who are called “dominant” aim to crush others, to show them that they are under their control. “Even if it’s very refined and subtle, they will tend to depreciate, to depreciate. In a more extreme register, the pervert will do it with sadism to do harm, “concludes the psychoanalyst.